Daily Inspiration

I have often been asked to talk about pain and suffering. I’ve received many questions as to the why, and the reason suffering comes into our life. While I don’t have the answer as to the why and reason, I do have an answer regarding what to do with it, or how to manage it. I’m also often asked if I have lingering pain. This is a very personal part of my life, and I’m not very willing to share the depth of my pain with others, but I’ve been told that my sharing may help others who suffer chronic pain as well. I have turned my pain into a type of prayer, and I try to complete my prayer as Jesus instructed, thus the reason for my reluctance to open up about it.

“But you when you pray, enter your room, and having shut the door, pray to your Father in secret, and your Father who sees in secret, will repay you.” (Matthew 6:6 NAB)

It has taken many years since the wreck to perfect this form of prayer, and it is continually being improved through the help of Christ Jesus. I’ve been given a lot of spiritual help to shape my beliefs and actions on pain and suffering, and the transforming of it into a prayer. I’ll try to explain how I handle my pain. All of the following lessons have come since the day of my auto collision, which I’ve written about in the book, “The Mystic Next Door.”

Occasionally, my mind will be whisked away and I’ll get to “listen” to a wonderful lesson about God. I used to call them “Silent Lectures”, but I have learned that they are called Interior Locutions.

I was at a Mass being celebrated by our bishop, and he began his homily. For my non-Catholic friends, the homily is the part of the Mass where the priest preaches about the Bible readings we just heard that day. As the bishop began to speak, my mind was whisked away, and I got to hear a different sermon, this one on the Crucifixion story of Jesus.

It was explained to me, that when we look at the crucifixion, we see the three crosses, and the people who suffer on them give three very different examples of suffering. In the first example we have the suffering of our Lord Jesus, the Son of God. Perfect suffering, and a version only obtainable by Jesus, true Man, and true God. It is something for us to strive toward with the understanding that we can only hope to be that pure. Throughout, Jesus’ trial, torture and death, He continually prayed for all those around Him. It is a hard concept to understand, but then again, it is a hard concept to understand the depth of God’s love for us.

I was next told to look at the bad thief. He was guilty of crimes and his just punishment was crucifixion, unlike our Lord, who was condemned while innocent, yet He suffered the same punishment. The bad thief didn’t think he deserved to be there on his cross. He was indignant, and irreverent. He lashed out at all who passed by and joined with the crowd and blasphemed Jesus. How easy is it for us to question God when pain is placed into our life? How easy is it to get angry with those around us, and lash out? Worse yet, often we turn to drugs and alcohol to ease our pain, but in reality, they only worsen it by dulling our intellect, and hurting both us and our loved ones. Please understand, I’m not implying that we are given pain as a punishment, nor that we deserve our suffering, not at all, but that is a common belief that many chronic sufferers hold. I truly believe that through God’s providence, opportunities are placed in our lives to help us improve our relationship with Him. Ultimately God leaves it to us, to decide how we view our own circumstance. Contemplate for a moment today, the squandered opportunity of the bad thief, who was suffering next to our Lord and God, and did not take advantage of His mercy. Those of us who suffer, have a great decision to make, every day.

Finally, I was told to look at the good thief, (Luke 23:39-43). Dismas, the name traditionally given to the thief who repents on the cross, was the third example. He realizes that he is on his cross because of his actions in life, and he is deserving of his punishment. He accepts his pain, and only asks of God, to remember him when Jesus returns to Heaven. He is an example for us all. Again, I’m not saying we deserve our pain, but what Dismas did, was to accept his situation, turn to the Lord, who suffered with him, and throw himself to the mercy of God. Christ suffers with all of us, and we do not carry our crosses alone. We only have to ask Him to remember us when He calls us to our judgement. At that point my mind returned to the Mass, but I spent the rest of the day thinking about that lesson. Since then, I’ve also thought about the immense suffering our Holy Mother Mary must have endured, and I hope to someday be taught of that as well.

Pain and suffering are a part of this fallen world, and we are all going to experience some level of it in our lives. The important step is what we decide to do with this suffering. St. Padre Pio would say, “Suffering is a gift from God, blessed are those who use it wisely.”

I cannot know or understand any person’s level of pain and suffering. Pain is relative, and therefore it is different for each person. At this point I’m going to crack open that closed door I pray behind and let you see what I have done to deal with my pain. My hope is something I write about here may help you deal with your suffering.

As St. Pio suggests, how we deal with suffering is a choice. Two thieves on their individual cross made two different choices. I made a choice on how to deal with the pain in my hospital bed, and I’ve never looked back. It is similar to the choice I’ve made to surrender to the will of God, and to conform my will to His. While for me, it will be a lifelong work in progress, I understand that once you make the choice, depending on what you’ve chosen, life either becomes much easier, or much harder. I wish I could convey the Truth of how surrendering to God makes life so much easier. Trust in Him! When it comes to suffering, we are given a choice, and it is never too late to change that choice for the better.

As I lay in that hospital bed in agony, I first asked Jesus to take my pain from me, but then I changed my mind. I chose to carry that pain for Him instead, I’ve done it every day since, and I thank Him daily for the opportunity to carry my pain for Him. It is my cross. Jesus asked us to pick up our cross and come after Him, and that is what I do, and I do it with joy and thanksgiving in my heart.

Here is my prayer that I start each day with.

“Jesus, I offer you all my pains and suffering today. I willingly carry them for you as my sacrifice to you. Do with them what you will. I pray that they lighten the load and pain of your own cross. I ask a special favor for the salvation of lost souls, and the souls in Purgatory, Amen.”

Now a little explaining is in order. I left time twice, and I have a very different understanding of time, compared to most people. Jesus suffered and died for all our sins, but He didn’t do it collectively, He did it on an individual basis. He died for me, and He died for you, individually. My prayer ties in with that. You and I were not born when Jesus died for us, and since God is timeless, He can view every moment of time from the beginning to the end. When I sin now, Jesus suffers for it on the cross, because He has seen and felt that sin.

I ask God to allow me to be Simon of Cyrene. Since I can not go back in time physically, I do what I can and I help Him carry His cross, by carrying my pain for Him. If He can feel the pain of my sin, I pray that He can feel me carrying some of the pain of His cross as well.

As I do this, a strange thing happens. When I offer Jesus my prayer, I don’t notice my pain as much, and it is diminished greatly. I know it is there, but I’m experiencing it for a greater purpose, and it seems to lessen. Now if I stop and think about it, the pain is there all along, however as long as I carry it for Him, the load is light and easy. If I have a sudden flash of pain, I give another offer to help Him carry His cross, and again, the pain is manageable.

It is not to say I am pain free, because I’m not. It just becomes easier to deal with the pain when I’m doing it for Christ. I do not take any drugs for the pain, except for your generic twice a day over the counter pain reliever that most folks have in their medicine cabinets. I rarely used the narcotics prescribed after my surgeries, but instead used this form of prayer.

A couple final notes. It takes time in meditation to make this work for me, but the longer I’ve done it, the more naturally it comes and the less time I need to meditate on it. I started by truly imagining that I was placing my shoulder under that cross, as well as holding Jesus under His shoulder to help carry Him as well. I imagined the pain I had was from the heavy burden of His cross, that He carries for me. When I started I could only do it for short periods, but now I can be like Simon of Cyrene most of the day. Pain is so much easier to tolerate when we devote our tolerance of it for someone we love, especially our God.

Every night when I lay down in bed, there are a few moments, where God allows me to feel the pain I should have felt all day. Every injury explodes in throbbing pain. My neck, back, hip, ribs, arms and legs, all pulsate to my heart beat, and I let out a groan or heavy sigh. The pain is unbearable, and then as quickly as it comes, it goes away. I give the Lord a great thank you, for the blessings He has given me today, and I thank Him for letting me carry my pain for Him.

Once a dear friend, a priest, who was very old and nearing death, came to me in a dream. He said,

“True success is to want nothing more than to suffer in Christ.”

I’ve understood the meaning to be, that while God does not want us to suffer, He greatly rewards those who suffer while keeping Him in mind. If we could only throw away all our own wants and desires and live our life totally for God, then God would in return give us blessings beyond our greatest desires and wants. As I ask the Lord to let me carry my pain for Him, He allows it, and then, even without me asking, He carries mine for me.

On that cross next to Jesus, which thief are you? It is your choice as to who you will be. God rewards greatly even the smallest steps taken toward Him.

May God bless and comfort you,

Ed